June 08, 2022Inclusion

Celebrating LGBTQ+ Families

As moms + humans there is no greater gift than learning from our diverse communities both near and far. Sharing experiences with families that come in all shapes and sizes teaches us so much about ourselves, our children + what is good in the world. This Pride, we're celebrating LGBTQ+ families–asking what surprised them about parenting, what they've learned from their own parents, what they hope for their children and more.

What would you tell someone thinking about having kids on their own?

Being a single mom is the most amazing choice I’ve made. I love my daughters endlessly, and I’m very proud of the life I’ve built. Yet, there are still extremely hard moments, exhausting days/nights, wanting to run, needing space, feeling like you’ve lost yourself, mom guilt, overwhelming pressure to do it all, etc. All of these feelings can coexist and are normal. You are human, you’ll fail, keep showing up - I think that’s more than half the battle. And ask for help when you need it! Whether that’s professional help, mental health help or physical help from family/friends/daycare.

What has been the most rewarding part of being a single parent?

Being able to look at my daughters, look at our lives and say, I did that!

- Sarah, Sacramento, CA

What would you tell other parents with young trans kids?

Let them lead. Be the rock they need. Be the safe place they can come. Ride the wave with your kid.

What do you wish people knew about being trans?

That trans kids should not be expected to bear the weight to be change makers on trans issues. They should be kids, who have trans as a part of their identity, not their whole being. That one's identity is rooted inside oneself.

What’s the most surprising thing about being a parent?

I always thought parents felt like parents. But I still feel like a kid.

- C.M., Brooklyn NY

What’s the most important thing parenting has taught you?

To be present. When we had our first son I was so focused on all the first time parent worries that I didn't realize how fast every stage went. Don't get me wrong, there were very long days and even longer nights, but somehow it still found a way to move fast. And with every new stage there was always a new set of first time parent concerns. Spoiler alert: parenting is not easy! So I found myself mourning each chapter because I felt I wasn't as present as I could have been. Then our second was born, and those original first time parent worries were no more. I was not only able to be in the moment with our second, but now I found myself being truly present with our first as well. Maybe it's a function of having less time to be worried, but whatever the reason it's a lesson I'm overjoyed to have learned. Not only for my children, but for myself and my partner.

What’s the most surprising thing about being a parent?

The most surprising thing has been how much you learn about yourself, and how much growth happens in the process. Going into parenting you know there will be quite a bit of change, but you generally think that change will center around things like how much sleep you'll get or whether you'll wear clothes without a stain again. I was prepped for all that! But what I didn't expect is how much stronger you get and resolute you become.

- Michelle, Jersey City, NJ

What do you wish people knew about being trans?

I wish people understood that trans liberation is liberation for all. Everyone should be allowed to find the right balance of masculine and feminine energy within themselves completely divorced from the body you were born into.

It’s also important to note that the experiences of trans people of color are vastly different than white trans people. It's vital that we understand the nuances that arise at the intersection of race and transness. Uplifting the voices of people of color within trans and queer communities as well as directing funds towards organizations that specifically aid trans people of color (such as For The Gworls) is incredibly important in creating a more equitable world.

What is one of the most important lessons you want to teach others from your own life experience?

So many well meaning cisgender people seem anxious about getting pronouns wrong/“messing up”/etc. Listening and asking respectful questions goes a long way. Introduce yourself with your pronouns and politely ask others to do the same. Listen and respect the pronouns people present to you and understand that those may change over time for some folks. If you have a question about transness - try google first. If it’s a question about bodies/medical procedures/etc - keep that one to yourself. If it’s a question about how to best uplift/respect/hold space for a trans person in your life, politely and privately ask if they’re open to your question and having a conversation; and as always, respect the answer they provide you.

What would you tell parents with young trans kids?

First and foremost, let your child lead the way. Children have a very strong sense of who they are at a young age - particularly when it comes to gender identity. They know who they are. I believe the best thing you can do as a parent is listen to them and give them the space and the resources to come into themselves as they grow up. Second, immerse them in queer spaces, queer art, queer literature. When I was young this wasn’t as accessible, but now there are plenty of books and shows for children about queerness. The internet makes these resources incredibly accessible. I knew who I was when I was very young, but I never saw anyone who looked like me or had any point of reference for what my life could look like. Seeing an adult trans person living their life and being themself goes a long way for kids.

- Nico, Brooklyn, NY

Celebrating LGBTQ+ Families